


Nick D. Gelato

by Solangelo_is_my_life



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Medieval, Confusing, Crack Fic, Different Names, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 11:29:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14448357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Solangelo_is_my_life/pseuds/Solangelo_is_my_life
Summary: Nick D. Gelato wants to be a knight, so he does the only logical thing and steals his neighbour's horse.





	Nick D. Gelato

**Author's Note:**

> I really don't know what this is.

Once upon a time, in a land far far away lived a lowly peasant. His name was Nick D. Gelato, and he dreamed of becoming a knight. So, on the night of his 18th birthday, he stole his neighbour's horse and rode off into the night. The young man travelled from his home kingdom of Eye Tally to the kingdom of New York Patties over the next few weeks. There, he was greeted by an entirely different culture. In New York Patties, everyone was rude and smelled like mint. Nick D. Gelato was tired and lonely, so he knocked on a nearby house’s door and asked if he could stay the night. They said no. Which is exactly what you should do if a strange person asks to stay at your home. But Nick needed a place to stay, so instead of getting a hotel room, he slept under a bridge. He met a guy named Mango Cheese. Mr Gelato learned that Mango and his friends knew how to become a knight. 

“It’s easy to become a hero,” Mango said, “Just die in combat, and my friend here, Sample, will take you to a magic hotel. You’ll stay there until the apocalypse where you’ll fight alongside gods and goddesses.” 

Nick believed Mango, but he didn’t feel like dying today. So, Nick left in the morning. He wandered around New York Patties, gawking at the sky-high buildings. Because he was looking up, Nick ran into a blond stranger. 

“I’m sorry,” Nico said with little sympathy.  
The man straightened his glasses, “It’s alright. I’m Jacie Gracie. Who are you?”  
“Nick D. Gelato.”  
“You don’t sound like you’re from here. Where did you come from? Where did you go? Where did you come from, Mr Gelato,” Jacie said with all seriousness.  
“I come from Eye Tally,” Nick replied, “I come seeking to be a knight.”  
“BRO,” Jacie exclaimed, “I KNOW A DUDE.” 

And thus, Jacie dragged Nick down the streets of New York Patties. They ran into a few people and a cow, but Jacie didn’t stop for anything till they got to an apartment. Inside the apartment was the most handsome and beautiful person anyone had ever seen. 

“Hello~” The man greeted. Even his voice was magnificent.  
“H-hi,” Nick stuttered in the presence of such a divine person.  
“Who’s this, Jacie?” He asked and then extended his hand to Nick, “I’m Jackson. Percy Jackson~.”  
Nick stared at the man for a moment before shaking his hand, “Nick D. Gelato, sir.”  
Percy let out a heavenly laugh, “There’s no need to call me sir, good man.”  
Jacie interrupted the exchange, “Nick needs to be trained to be a knight.”  
“Ah yes~”  
“Can you take him to Sheeron? I have a date with Pipe Cleaner.”  
“Oh how I would, Jacie, but I have plans with Annie Beth Cheese.”  
“I guess Knee can take him.”  
Both boys yelled at the top of their lungs, “KNEE!”  
A short boy walked in with grease all over his face and a toolbelt hung loosely on his waist, “Knee O. Vacuum at your service! Who’s your friend?”  
“This is Nick D. Gelato. He needs you to take him to Sheeron, so he can become a knight.”  
“Okay,” He replied before grabbing Nick’s arm and dragging him back to the room at which he came from, “Do you like metal dragons?”  
“Uhh… I can’t say I have much experience.”  
“Well, you’re going to ride one today! This is Fetus, the mighty bronze dragon! We’re going to ride him to Fourth Spit!”  
“What’s Fourth Spit?”  
“It’s a small country to the east of New York Patties.”  
“Oh, okay.”

The two didn’t talk much on the way to Fourth Spit. Probably because Nick had to keep a tight hold of Knee’s waist to keep from falling off. Once they landed, they were greeted by a ton of people and one centaur. 

“Go up to the centaur,” Knee whispered in his ear, “That’s Sheeron. Tell him you need training.” 

Nick did as he was told. 

“Young one, why do you want to become a knight? It is a very dangerous career path,” Sheeron asked him.  
“I dunno,” Nick answered truthfully, “Seems fun.”  
“Fun indeed. But extremely dangerous.”  
“You’ll train me though, right?”  
“Yes. Here is your training.” 

The centaur handed Nick a sword made of pure blackness. 

“What? How do I use this? Why is mine black and not gold or bronze like the rest of the swords?”  
“Don’t be swordist, young one. You must learn to use this mighty blade on your own. I’ll also give you some provisions and some armour. But after that, you’re on your own kid. Good luck.” 

And with that, everyone disappeared in a cloud of smoke. When the smoke dissipated, Nick noticed that he was wearing shiny silver armour and has a backpack full of food. 

“Cool,” Nick thought out loud. 

The barely-18-year-old wandered till his feet hurt and his eyelids grew heavy. He found a dead tree nearby, hollowed out a nook, and slept in it. He even made a little door before he passed out cold. The dead tree protected Nick from the wolves that passed by in the evening, but it didn’t hide him from the people hunting the wolves.  
“Nick?” Nick woke to a voice saying.  
He yawned and rubbed his eyes before saying, “Yep. That’s me.” 

He got pulled into a tight hug by a girl with a braid and a fluffy jacket. It took Nick a minute to realize who it was because he was still groggy with sleep, but he hugged her back once he realized. 

“Beyonce!” He cried.  
She smiled at him, “Yes, it’s me, brother.”  
“How? We all thought you died.”  
She pondered for a moment, “I left a note. These badass Hunter ladies asked me to join them in the night, and I did.”  
“Who is this, Beyonce?” One of the Hunters called from behind them.  
“This is Nick D. Gelato,” She called back, “My little brother.”  
“EWWW BOY!” All the other Hunters screamed.  
Beyonce sighed, “He’s alright. I know he won’t make a move because he’s gay as fuck.”  
There was some muttering among the girls before a lead one stepped up, “With Lady Arty Mistress gone, I make the decision on what to do with him.”  
“Please, Thalitree,” She looked at the Lieutenant, “Be kind to him.”  
Thalitree looked at the two with the stern expression before giving in to a smile, “He can hang with us until we get to the next town. I know how much a sister can love and miss her little brother. I haven’t seen Jacie since he tried to eat a stapler…”  
“Wait, you know Jacie?” Nick finally spoke up.  
Thalitee sized him up, “He’s my brother. What’s it to ya?”  
“Nothing. I just met him this morning.”  
“I change my mind. Hunters, we’re going to follow Nick to Jacie.”  
“Uhh… I don’t know exactly where he is. He’s somewhere in New York Patties.”  
Thalitree cursed under her breathe, “Fine. We’ll leave you here for the dragons.”  
“Wait, what?” Nick and Beyonce asked at the same time.  
“Hunters, to New York Patties!” Thalitree cried.  
“Thalitree, please don’t make me leave my brother again,” Beyonce begged.  
Thalitree looked at her with stern eyes, “I said, ‘Hunters, to New York Patties’.” 

The Hunters all dashed out in a flash, Beyonce with them. Again, Nick found himself alone in the forest. Which apparently is home to dragons. Knowing he needed to leave, Nick closed the door to his little tree hut and went back to bed. A few hours later, he was awoken by the sound of fire and smell of something cooking. 

“Mmm,” Nick thought tiredly, “What smells so good?” 

The young man opened his eyes to find that he, in fact, was what smells so good. He was burning along with his tree. The dragon had found him. Doing what came naturally for him, he ran. He ran so fast that it seemed like he was travelling through the shadows. He ran until he hit something and fell flat on his butt. Nick looked up at what he ran into. It was a man. An extremely handsome and sunny man with his hand extended towards Nick and his eyes filled with concern. Nick stood up on his own and dusted himself off. 

“I’m really sorry about that,” Nick apologized, “I was running from a dragon and-”  
“Nonsense!” The man interrupted, “There’s nothing to apologize for, and there aren’t any dragons in Texas Toast!”  
Nick gasped, “I’m all the way in Texas Toast? I was just in Fourth Spit!”  
The man gave a low whistle, “Maybe you did see a dragon then. There are lots of dragons up in those parts, and I wouldn’t be surprised if one scared you so bad that you ran halfway across the continent! I’m Squilliam Soaprug by the way, but you can call be Squill. Who might you be?”  
“I’m Nick D. Gelato. I’m extremely tired from that extensive run, so do you think I could stay with you?”  
Squill scratched his head awkwardly, “You see, I’d be happy to, but my small house only has one bed.”  
Nick’s face lit up, “Perfect! I’ll just stay with you.” Nick didn’t see the problem with this. 

Growing up poor, he shared a bed with his sister all his life. Soon after Beyonce disappeared, his father introduced him to his half-sister Lazily, so he always slept with someone. Squill obviously seemed to have a different thought on what it meant when two people share a bed. 

He looked at Nick, blushing, “Well ya see, Nick, where I come from, two people share a bed when they love each other very much and they… ya know… birds and the bees and all that.”  
“Nonsense! I barely know you, so why would I have intercourse with you?”  
Squill’s face glowed even brighter at Nick’s disregard, “All right then… I guess you can stay.”  
Nick smiled, “Thank you, sir.” 

Squill lead the way back to his small little shack-like house, where the two ate dinner. Nick learned a lot about Squill. He learned that he too had dreamed of becoming a knight, but he gave up that dream not five minutes after he left his house. His parents weren’t prepared for him to come back, asking for his own house and farm. So they gave him their small guest house and the runts of their farm. Squill was content though. That had been a year ago, and his animals grew up and became slightly less runty. He now had three pigs, five chickens, two cows, four goats, three horses and a huge garden that produces more than enough food to feed him. 

Nick stayed with Squill for the next few weeks. Every time he thought it was time for him to leave, he couldn’t bring himself to do it, and Squill didn’t seem to be complaining either. The two had grown close. When they slept at night, they would always end up cuddling. But Nick knew it was time for him to go. Not permanently. He just needed to go pick up a ring for Squill. Nick had fallen in love with the man and wanted to marry him. On the three week mark of his arrival at Squill’s, Nick bid his lover goodbye and vowed to be back soon. He took one of the horses and rode off towards Eye Tally. 

Nick wanted a very special ring for Squill. One that only his sister, Lazily, could provide. She had been an amazing geologist and archaeologist ever since they were kids. As if by magic, she could find precious gems, but she never told their father about them because she knew he would take them and sell them. Sure, they wouldn’t have been poor anymore if she had just given up the shiny rocks, but that was all said and done. It took a week for Nick to get to his hometown of Venison. When he found his childhood home, his father and sister hugged him while his stepmother, Payphone, glared daggers at him. 

“Lazily, I need a ring!” He announced. 

His sister smiled and nodded. She could tell by the look on her brother’s face what he needed the ring for. She left to go find the best gems and metals she could. Meanwhile, Nick, his father and stepmother talked. 

“So, who is this person you’re planning on marrying?” Hay Deen asked.  
Nick smiled at the thought of Squill, “A ranch boy from Texas Toast.”  
“I see,” He said with a grave tone, “Do you know the culture of Texas Toast at all, Nick?”  
“Of course! They like farming and spitting a lot.”  
“Yes, but what do they hate, my son?”  
“I dunno. Squill doesn’t really hate anything as far as I can tell. I think he’s too nice for it.”  
“People from Texas Toast hate homosexuals.”  
“Cool,” Nick replied, failing to realize what that means for him and Squill. 

At that moment, Lazily burst into the room with a small ring. 

“Here you go, brother,” She smiled, “It’s got a rose-gold band and three diamonds on top. It also has the date you two met on it.”  
“Aww, thanks, sis!” He hugged her before realization hit him, “How do you know the day we met?”  
“I just know these things,” She explained, “Now, go get married! Don’t forget about us!” 

She basically shoved Nick out the door and onto his horse. With his task completed, Nick road back to Texas Toast. After a week of travelling, he arrived at the home of his lover in the middle of the night. He picked some flowers from a nearby bush and knocked on the door. Squill opened the door in nothing but his underwear. Nick blushed and realized that of course, he isn’t going to be dressed because it’s the middle of the night. He decided to save his proposal for when Squill was fully awake. 

“Hello, my dear Squill,” Nick greeted with a smile.  
Squill yawned, “Hello. You must be tired after your travels. Come lay with me.” 

That was the invitation Nick needed to enter the house and strip down to his own underwear before slipping under the covers. He reached towards the other man and pulled him close, so he could whisper in his ear. 

“I missed you.”  
“I missed you too, darling.”  
“How much did you miss me?”  
“I watched the horizon every day, waiting for you.”  
Nick hummed, “Really? You didn’t forget about me?”  
“How could I forget about you? I- I love you.”

His eyes widened at the confession. Sure, Nick loved Squill, but neither had ever verbally said the words. 

“I love you too.”

The two fell asleep in each other's arms. When they awoke, Squill made breakfast for the two. 

“Hey, Nick,” Squill said as they ate their oatmeal.  
Nick looked up from his bowl to meet his lover's eyes, “Yeah?”  
“I’ve been thinking about us.”  
“I have too,” Nick got down on one knee and got out the ring, “I’ve been thinking that I never want to be apart from you again.”  
“Oh my god, Nick,” Squill fanned his face, “I love you, but I can’t. Not here. Not now.”  
Nick's face fell. He felt heartbroken, but Squill cupped his face in both his hands and tilted it up, so the two were making eye contact.  
“We can’t stay here, Nick. That’s what I wanted to talk about. We can only keep our love secret for so long before they find out. We’d never be able to get married. The people of Texas Toast hate people like us. They’d rather see us dead than in love.”  
Nick remembered his father’s warning, “I know, my love, but I can’t leave you. My heart won’t let me. I know a place where we’ll be safe to love freely. We must leave together. Today.”  
“But what about the farm? We can’t leave all the animals.”  
Nick sighed, “We’ll take two horses. One for each of us. But we’ll have to leave the rest with your parents.” 

Squill nodded and got up. The two prepared to leave. Squill took the animals to his parent’s farm while Nick packed up the house. There wasn’t much, but Nick still couldn’t fit it all in the saddlebags. He chose to only take clothes, food, and the ring. By nightfall, they were ready to set out. They headed towards New York Patties. 

Once they got to New York Patties, Nick searched for anything he recognized. His face lit up when he saw his old friend, Mango Cheese, talking to a girl with his same blonde hair. 

“Hey, Mango!” Nick called.  
“Ayy, Gelato! Who you got there?”  
“This is my fiance, Squill.” Squill and Mango shook hands with the quick formal “Nice to meet you.”  
“This is my cousin, Annie Beth,” Mango introduced.  
Nick thought that name sounded familiar, “Do you know Percy Jackson and Jacie Gracie?”  
Annie Beth smiled as if remembering a happy memory, “Percy is my boyfriend, and Jacie is one of his roommates.”  
“Do you think you could take us to them?” 

Nick D. Gelato and Squilliam Soaprug stayed with Percy Jackson, Jacie Gracie and Knee O. Vacuum until they became Nick D. and Squilliam Soaprug and moved into their own apartment. Squilliam became a doctor while Nick became a writer. Instead of becoming a knight, Nick wrote about them. He was perfectly content with how his life ended up.

“And that, kids, is how your parents met,” Percy concluded. Nico shook his head at his friend.  
“Quit filling my kids’ little head’s with lies, Jackson,” He smiled, “Thanks for babysitting, but please leave the writing to me.”  
“You’re just jealous that my story was totally awesome and way better than how you an Will actually met.”  
“Meeting on a battlefield isn’t exciting enough?”  
“Not even close.”  
“Like how you and Annabeth met is more exciting.”  
“It was exciting!”  
“You were drooling.”  
“Exciting drool!”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry.  
> A Quick Guide:  
> Characters: Nick D. Gelato - Nico di Angel, Mango Cheese - Magnus Chas, Sample - Samirah, Jacie Gracie - Jason Grace, Sheeron - Chiron, Pipe Cleaner - Piper McLean, Annie Beth Cheese - Annabeth Chase, Knee O. Vacuum - Leo Valdez, Beyonce - Bianca, Thalitree - Thalia, Squilliam Soaprug - William Solace, Lazily - Hazel, Hay Deen - Hades, Payphone - Persephone
> 
> Places:  
> Eye Tally - Italy, Venison - Venice, New York Patties - New York  
> Fourth Spit - Camp Halfblood, Texas Toast - Texas


End file.
